woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
