You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
