I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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