he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
