i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
