I hate your face
I cockslap morals
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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