Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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