I think I am morally bankrupt
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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