tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
