He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize