Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
