she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
