We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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