Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
