i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My legs feel like baby dolphins
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
