He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
