how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
