you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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