thus making me awesome and them whores
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
