she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
