Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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