i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He better not be in your backpack
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
