i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I love you. Go after that dick
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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