Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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