I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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