I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
