haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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