non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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