It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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