Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
