You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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