Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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