U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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