Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
