captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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