3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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