Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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