it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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