My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
