He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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