Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
