Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
