All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
