theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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