please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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