She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
