Slut skills are useful in every country.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
