I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
