Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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