i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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