shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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