drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
