You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
