y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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