so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Non-Jews are for practice
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
